


Under the Etherian Moons

by zoeyzebra



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst, Blood, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Past Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-15 23:48:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29691807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zoeyzebra/pseuds/zoeyzebra
Summary: A little one-shot set during a post-finale celebration. Catra struggles to feel deserving and belonging. Adora is there to comfort her.All characters are based off She-Ra and the Princesses of Power developed by Noelle Stevenson and their team at DreamWorks Animation. I own nothing but the thoughts in my head. I hope you enjoy!
Relationships: Adora & Catra (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Kudos: 57





	Under the Etherian Moons

**Author's Note:**

> Much love and appreciation to my partner, CME, who encouraged me to write this piece based on an off the cuff idea I had and who graciously edited it for me.

CW: brief allusion to self-harm and mention of blood

_ Scritch scritch scritch _

Catra's claws score the bark of the log upon which she's perched, knees drawn up to her chest, chin shoved into her crossed arms. Her tail is curled tightly around her legs as if it's a warm winter coat or perhaps a strait jacket.

A light breeze teases the fur on her arms and it tickles Catra's nose a little, but her arms are clamped too tightly across her knees to do anything about it. She can hear the sounds of revelry coming from the massive tent erected near the center of the clearing: raucous laughter, squeals of delight, and she thinks someone must have brought out a fiddle. Catra flicks her ears once in annoyance and glares into the shadows of the forest at the edge of the clearing, pale yellow and turquoise eyes piercing the night with a harsh reflection of the moons' softer glow.

_ I don't deserve to be here. I should be dead. Vultures should be picking through the bones of my corpse in the Crimson Waste or those wretched Pookas should be tearing me apart. I. Shouldn't. Be.  _ Here _. _

The mantra loops endlessly in Catra's mind, beating a rhythm in her skull as her fingers grasp her arms ever tighter, claws pressing into skin. She hisses through clenched teeth.

Off in the distance, Catra is dimly aware of her name being called. She wants to move, wants to bolt off into the forest, but she can't. She's glued to her perch on the log, staring into darkness although darkness isn't all she sees when she closes her eyes for real. She waits for whoever's calling to give up and go back to the party.

_ I don't deserve to be here. I'm worse than trash. I'm a terrible friend and a worse girlfriend. I should just  _ leave _ and never _ , ever  _ come back. _

The thoughts in her head are so loud that Catra doesn't realize someone has walked up beside her until she hears a gentle, "Catra?"

Catra's head jerks up, and she glimpses concerned blue eyes and a flash of shiny blonde hair. She guiltily averts her gaze back to the same shadowy patch of forest as before.

She senses Adora carefully sit down on the log near her–close enough that her presence is noticeable, but not so close for Catra to feel boxed in.

Catra waits for Adora to speak, ready to lash out at her in response, but Adora simply sits quietly. Despite her best efforts, the tense coils in Catra's chest begin to relax slightly. The once ominous-looking shadows whose tendrils had grasped for her feet recede into benignity, the dark gray shapes contracting as Etheria's four smallest moons rise high in the sky. As the specters of her own making withdraw into the darkest crevices of her mind, Catra's keen hearing returns. She hears Adora's heartbeat, strong and steady, and she clings to the slow and comforting rhythm.

When Catra finally raises her head, she sees Adora gazing thoughtfully at the gleaming moons before turning her head to meet Catra's eyes.

Catra inhales sharply, at once transfixed and embraced by Adora's gaze, so full of warmth and poorly-concealed concern. She opens her mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. Ashamed, she hangs her head low.

_ What did I do to deserve this? To deserve her? I can't. All I ever do is hurt the ones I love. The one I love. _

"The full four-moon is beautiful tonight." Though softly spoken, Adora's words cut through the maelstrom of Catra's self-destructive inner monologue.

"Y-yeah, I guess."

"The party is a lot of fun, but it's nice to be outside under the, what are they called again? Oh yeah, the stars." Catra forces herself to lift her gaze enough to see a slice of the clear night sky, glittering with…stars. They do look…nice. Catra grunts in agreement.

"Remember," Adora continues, "the first time we snuck up to the roof of the barracks in the Fright Zone? I thought that the sky was going to swallow us whole, it was so close." Adora glances toward Catra, whose gaze is still fixated on the horizon. Adora leans over slightly and nudges Catra's shoulder. "Hey, c'mon, everything's okay. It's gonna be okay."

Catra finally turns to face Adora, disbelief shadowing her face. "How can you say that? After everything I-I did?" Catra's voice breaks, and she looks down at her feet, claws sinking deeper into the bark of the log.

"Look, Catra. I'm not saying what you did was okay, because it wasn't. But…" Adora sighs. "Growing up in the Fright Zone wasn't easy. I mean, yeah, we had each other, and that was super special, but, like, kids aren't actually supposed to grow up in military barracks and start training as soon as they can walk. It's all we knew, so it seemed totally natural, but it isn't. Glimmer, Bow-"

Hearing their names, Catra flinches slightly. Adora frowns, but presses on. "Glimmer and Bow also grew up during a war, but their parents made sure they had time to play, too, time to be…kids. Also, I mean, they had parents. Parents who loved them, like, pretty unconditionally. It's not like they were perfect or anything, but no parents are. Still, the way Shadow Weaver treated us wasn't right. Ultimately, she was our superior-our commanding officer-not our mother. It wasn't okay that she put you down and made you feel like you were second-best. And-and, I'm sorry for not standing up for you more-"

"Stop," interrupts Catra, voice slightly hoarse, unfocused eyes staring into the forest. Adora blinks in slight surprise, but waits patiently for Catra to continue. Eventually, Catra continues haltingly, "I know-I know you want me to talk about my feelings. But…it's hard." Catra gulps, heart starting to pound again. Adora gently leans near her again, close without touching, waiting for Catra to close the distance if she wants. Catra's body is stock still for a moment until finally with a ragged exhale her frame seems to collapse in on itself, and she leans hesitantly into Adora's side.

_ You can do this. You can do this. You  _ have _ to do this. Talk to her. _ Catra's thoughts race, even as she yearns for the comfort of Adora's arm around her. Sensing her desire, Adora gently wraps an arm around Catra's shoulder, whispering as she does so, "It's okay. Talk when you're ready. In the meantime, I'm right here. I just don't want you to feel like you have to bottle it up and keep everything to yourself like you did in the Fright Zone. You're safe here. I will keep you safe. I promise."

Catra takes a shuddering breath, gulps, and begins to speak. "You know what it was like, growing up in the Horde. But you were popular; you had friends and Shadow Weaver's approval. You were my  _ only _ …friend. We both know that Kyle, Ronnie, and Rogelio were  _ your _ friends. They tolerated me–sometimes. And I couldn't stand it, I couldn't stand _ them _ . You and I…well, you said the others didn't matter if we had each other's backs. You stuck up for me, but why did they like you so much and not me?" Catra's voice rises with indignation, "I was faster, smarter, and stronger than all of them. All of them except you. Why was  _ I _ never good enough? Shadow Weaver never let me forget that  _ you _ were the special one, that I was only there because  _ you _ wanted  _ me _ as a friend. And then…and then you  _ left _ ."

Catra's voice breaks again, and she gives Adora a heartrending glance, one filled with immeasurable grief and loneliness with lingering anger. Adora's face is stricken, and she moves her hand soothingly over Catra's shoulder and down her arm, fingers brushing gently over the thing, criss-crossing scars below Catra's fur. Catra returns her gaze to the forest, her voice quieting, "At first, I thought you'd just made a mistake. After all, how could you possibly leave your home, defect from the Horde, and abandon….me? But you were so stubborn! At least, that's what I thought. But after seeing you with Glimmer and Bow, I knew, deep down, that you weren't coming back. That you had found better friends…"

"Catra, I-"

Catra hisses. "I need to finish because I don't think I'll be able to continue later if I stop now. Growing up in the Horde sucked, but I always had you; we always had each other. So when you left, I just couldn't take it. All Shadow Weaver cared about was getting  _ you _ back. Even when Hordak made me Force Captain, Shadow Weaver just pressured me even more into bringing you back. And I-I missed you. So much. But I was furious with you, too. And so I put all of my energy into proving Shadow Weaver and the rest of them wrong–that I was far more capable than they ever gave me credit for and that I wasn't just your sidekick or your shadow." Adora gently squeezes Catra's arm, but she doesn't dare interrupt.

"I think-I think losing you meant losing the best part of me. When you left, all I had was Shadow Weaver's constant abuse and Hordak's demands. I didn't know who I was without you, so in some way, I think I became a twisted version of what you were supposed to be…at least according to Shadow Weaver's expectations. I became Force Captain, I led battles, and I fought tooth and claw to be Hordak's right hand. I thought I'd be happy whenever I rose in the ranks and gained more control, but instead I was just miserable. I channeled all of my misery and pain into being the best the Horde had to offer. And even then, even when I was at the top of my game and the Horde's forces had swept the land, I drove everyone away. I drove Entrapta away, I drove Scorpia away…even Shadow Weaver defected to the princesses for whatever that means." Catra's tone is bitter, and her claws start digging into the tree bark again.

"But you know what the worst part was? I could see myself pushing everyone away, but I couldn't stop myself. Sometimes, I would hear your voice or picture your face, and I knew what I was doing wasn't right, but…I just couldn't stop. And they were right to leave! I-I was a bad friend. No, I wasn't even their friend, not really. I was terrible to them. I used Entrapta just like the gadgets she's so fond of, and I treated Scorpia like a punching bag. I’m honestly amazed that Lonnie, Rogelio, Kyle, and the others didn't defect, but I guess a lifetime of indoctrination in the Horde is pretty effective. Well, effective on everybody but you, I guess." She pauses while Adora holds her, her heartbeat strong and steady in Catra's ear.

Catra sighs, "I can't-I can't explain to you, I can't even explain to myself, what was going through my head when I activated the portal. Honestly, I don't know if I even  _ was _ thinking by that point. Everything was just…it all just hurt. It was too much. I just couldn't stand to lose…again. And, I guess if I couldn't win, then nobody could." Catra shudders, suppressing a sob, and Adora squeezes her while carefully reaching her opposite hand to gently tug at Catra's, whose claws have by now pricked her skin, drawing small droplets of blood.

"Catra, I know you're still beating yourself up inside over what you did, but can't you see that the war is over now? I know it's gonna take time to heal. We all have healing to do. And you're going to have to make some amends… But-I want you to know that you're not alone. You don't-you don't have to be alone ever again. I'm going to be right here with you. I promise." Adora shifts her body to look Catra firmly in the eyes.

"I don't know exactly what the future holds, but I want you to be a part of mine." Catra looks as though she's going to interrupt, so Adora repeats herself. "Like it or not, I love you, Catra, so, whatever happens, I am staying with you." Adora's hand reaches over to cup Catra's face, and she leans in, waiting for Catra to close the distance if she wants. Catra blinks once, twice. Then, shoving her dark thoughts back, she snakes an arm under Adora's and pulls her close, pressing their lips together. They hold each other in that embrace, unspoken words and emotions exchanging through their kiss, both of Adora's hands grasping Catra's face as Catra uncurls her body to wrap her legs around Adora's.

After a moment, Catra pulls back, bright turquoise and yellow eyes glistening slightly. "Idiot." She murmurs. "I love you, too. And…thanks."

"Of course," says Adora softly.

"I, um, I don't think I can go back to the party just yet." Catra's voice wavers, unused to admitting anything remotely perceivable as weakness.

Adora grins and sits next to Catra on the log again. "That's okay. We can just sit outside here for now, under the moons and the stars." Adora leans against Catra this time, Catra's arm keeping their bodies pressed securely against each other, tail curling around Adora's back. Adora finds Catra's hand again, and they sit for a long time beneath the expansive Etherian night sky.


End file.
